What Does an Anxious Preoccupied Find Attractive?

What Does an Anxious Preoccupied Find Attractive?

There are four main attachment styles, secure, anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant and fearful avoidant. Each unique attachment style tends to find specific qualities or characteristics more attractive than others. However, this attraction can be counterintuitive because often attraction is driven by trait diversity. In essence, we can be attracted to the qualities in others that we lack or repress in ourselves. Attraction can likewise be driven by unmet needs. This makes the study of the attachment styles and what they find attractive fascinating because the source of attraction in the beginning can often be a source of conflict later in the relationship. Realizing this can perhaps bridge the gap between two people who, while similar, are actually attracted to the differing traits in their partner. For example, anxious preoccupied individuals are often drawn to mysterious and independent people in the beginning but then crave more reassurance as time goes on. So, what does an anxious preoccupied find attractive?

Anxious Preoccupied Attachment

Anxious preoccupied attachment style, also
known as anxious attachment style, refers to
individuals who intensely desire closeness in their
romantic relationships, but often feel anxious
about whether their partners will meet their
emotional needs. They are typically warm and friendly individuals who enjoy being around others. They tend to ruminate on their close relationships and have a high need for security and reassurance. Underlying this is a very surface fear of abandonment and a fear of not being good enough. Understanding their relational patterns and behaviors is crucial to comprehending what the anxious preoccupied finds attractive.

What Does an Anxious Preoccupied Find Attractive?

1. Mystery: anxious preoccupied individuals find mystery attractive because it represents boundaries and perhaps a guardedness that the anxious preoccupied individual is lacking.

2. Assertiveness: this is often a trait that the anxious preoccupied is lacking. Therefore they are attracted to those who express this trait.

3. Independence: the anxious preoccupied individual is attracted to someone who shows this trait as they themselves repress their need for independence. They tend to admire “strong” independent people.

4. Feeling Special: this relates to having their unmet needs fulfilled as they often struggle with fears of inadequacy. The anxious preoccupied individual is attracted to someone who makes them feel worthwhile and special.

5. Feeling acknowledged & seen: this also relates to the anxious preoccupied individual’s unmet needs, as they tend to dismiss themselves internally in favor of others. They have a deep craving to be known and acknowledged.


In conclusion, trait diversity is a compelling source of attraction that contributes to the formation of strong and healthy relationships. Complementary personalities, positive traits, and emotional intelligence play pivotal roles in enhancing communication, empathy, and overall relationship satisfaction. Embracing and appreciating trait diversity not only fosters balance and harmony within relationships but also leads to deeper connections, personal growth, and mutual respect. By valuing the unique qualities and perspectives of others, individuals can cultivate fulfilling and enriching relationships built on understanding and empathy.

Individuals with an anxious preoccupied attachment style are often drawn to traits that represent what they lack or desire. They find mystery attractive as it indicates the boundaries they need to develop. Assertiveness is appealing to them as it is a trait they often lack, and independence is admired as it reflects their repressed need for autonomy. Feeling special and acknowledged fulfills their unmet needs, addressing their fears of inadequacy and craving for recognition and validation. These attractive qualities align with the anxious preoccupied individual’s internal struggles and unmet emotional needs, shaping their relational preferences and desires. This is why the most anxious people are often attracted to the most dismissive. Their own internal state of self-denial is reflected in their resulting relationship with the dismissive avoidant individual. Attachment theory is a fascinating study of human behavior.




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