What Does a Secure Attachment Style Find Attractive?

What Does a Secure Attachment Style Find Attractive?

There are four main attachment styles, with the secure attachment style being the most naturally balanced. Anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant and fearful avoidant individuals all have to work towards healthy interdependence which gives them depth of understanding but the secure attachment style was raised in such a way that they naturally have a knack for creating a healthy balance between independence and interdependence. However, being secure is not the holy grail of attachment, those with this type of attachment have their share of blind spots and relationship issues. So, what does a secure attachment style find attractive?

Every attachment style finds certain qualities more attractive than others. Attraction is often driven by trait diversity. Essentially, we are often attracted to the characteristics in others that we lack in ourselves. Attraction can likewise be driven by the internal comfort zone of how we treat ourselves and also our unmet needs. The study of what each attachment style finds attractive is fascinating. Being so balanced, secure individuals are most often attracted to other secure individuals. They tend to posses a natural sense of boundaries but also comprise.

Secure Attachment

Those with secure attachment as adults typically grew up with the majority of their emotional needs being met fairly consistently. This isn’t to say they don’t have their own specific issues they need to address. However, in general they tend to feel very confident in the realm of relationships and tend not to take things as personally as the other attachment styles. They have a good sense of being able to compromise without giving up all of their boundaries. In this way they are the example of healthy interdependence. The only caveat is that what comes naturally sometimes doesn’t get the same amount of attention. They still may have some issues communicating and otherwise – but in general secure attachment individuals are much more likely to speak up for themselves and address their concerns in a pragmatic fashion with less anxiety or avoidance than the other types.

What Does a Secure Attachment Style Find Attractive

Secure attachment style individuals are a little bit different in that trait diversity doesn’t play as huge of a role in their attraction (at least where it concerns attachment). What attracts them primarily is people who mirror back to them their own balanced internal comfort zone of healthy interdependence. This is one reason that secure individuals tend to partner with other secure individuals. The other reason may simply be that they have an easier time making it to a commitment when neither is particularly anxious or avoidant. Approximately 50% of the population is securely attached. The other 50% is made up of the three other insecure attachment styles.

1. Openness: secure attachment style individuals like to sense that there is an easy flow with their paramour and that they have direct access to connect with the person in front of them.

2. Direct Communication: they want clarity about your needs and feelings. They likewise don’t want things swept under the rug.

3. Emotional Availability: again, secure attachment style individuals want direct access to connect with the individual in front of them. They want to know the feelings and needs of who they are partnering with.

4. Consistency: they want reliability and security from their relationships.

5. Harmony: they want a safe and harmonious relationship.


As you can see, the main qualities that the securely attached individual is attracted to stem from their own sense of healthy interdependence. Secure attachment style individuals are attracted to traits and qualities that foster a sense of ease and emotional security in their relationships. They value openness, seeking a natural and unobstructed connection with their partner. Direct communication is essential to them, as they value clarity and transparency in expressing needs and feelings. Emotional availability is a key attraction factor, as they desire a deep understanding of their partner’s emotions and needs. Consistency is highly valued, as they seek reliability and security in their relationships. Lastly, they are drawn to harmonious relationships, craving a safe and peaceful environment where they can thrive emotionally and build a strong, enduring connection. These qualities align with their need for emotional security and stability, shaping their relational preferences and desires. They are the most naturally balanced of all the attachment styles.


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