5 Love Languages; What is the Most Common Love Language?

5 Love Languages; What is the Most Common Love Language?

After many years of counseling couples in crisis, Dr. Gary Chapman says he realized that what makes a person feel loved is not necessarily the same as what his spouse or partner does. Chapman theorized that people tend to give love the way they most like to receive it, and that better communication between couples can be achieved by showing care for the other through a language of love that they best understand. In general, we show love in the way we would most like to receive love. This is not necessarily how our loved one best receives love. That’s why it’s important to find out their love language. What is the most common Love Language? Read on to find out.

What are the 5 love languages?

1. Quality Time

What is the most common Love Language? Quality time! This is – by far – the most common love language. Of course, time spent together is important for any bond, but those with this language feel MOST loved when spending quality time with their partner. Putting away the phones and focusing on each other without interruption is what makes these individuals feel connected and happy in a relationship. Long-distance relationships can be hard or almost impossible for those with this primary love language. They also highly value chatting, on the phone or in person, and sharing how their day went. Although it’s called “quality time”, in my personal experience with these individuals it’s also about quantity. Ironically, for me, this is my lowest rated love language.

2. Physical Touch

Physical touch is a common primary love language among those with an anxious preoccupied attachment. Individuals with this love language feel loved through physical expressions of intimacy and closeness. Holding hands, a good squeeze and cuddling are all great ways to show those who prefer physical touch that you truly care on a daily basis. If you’re not around to show your physical affection, you can simply use physical language in your communication. For example, try sending a text such as, “sending you a hug”.

3. Words of Affirmation

Those with words of affirmation as their primary love language feel most loved when you tell them how much you appreciate and love them – be detailed! It’s hard to be over the top with these individuals. If you like something they do, please let them know! They love to hear how awesome they are and how much they mean to you. Likewise, a harsh or critical tone can really hurt their feelings. Be careful how you express disappointment with these individuals. The more positive you are the better your message will be received. These types are actually very easy to please once you realize how they work.

4. Acts of Service

My top love language! This is also a common primary love language for those on the more dismissive side of attachment. For those with acts of service as their top language, actions do really speak louder than words. There’s a huge misconception that this language is about domestic labor. Take that out of your mindset completely! Household chores are a daily necessity and not an effective way to speak this language to your partner. Figure out what works for you regarding the division of basic household chores and treat this love language as a completely separate item.

So then what’s this love language all about? It’s about being there when needed. It’s about being dependable and having your partners best interests at heart. It’s about showing through actions how much someone is valued. It’s about noticing your partner and where they may need help; it’s about asking if they need help and giving it to them. Above all, it’s about showing through actions that you support them so that you both can feel like a team.

The most important thing is to keep your word. If they asked for your help and you agreed, it’s very important for you to follow through; this language is all about wanting to know someone has your back. Believe me, even if they asked on your second date, they will still remember years later.

There are many ways to practice this language on a daily basis, such as making coffee in the morning, picking up their package while you’re out, cooking their favorite meal with love, running them a bath, or even just doing something you’re amazing at for them. Driving them to the airport to make their life easier or doing something practical to help them achieve their personal goals will not be soon forgotten and can create a lifelong bond.

Small gestures like helping them with their coat or opening their door are never taken for granted but it goes over best when the act of service is something truly needed. For example, if your loved one falls ill you should offer – without being asked – to help in whatever way you can. Did you send them food or medicine? Make an appointment with the doctor for them? I know this language very well and it can be hard to resist a helpful suitor.

However, there is a catch 22: those with this primary love language don’t like asking for help but want you to help. Therefore those with this love language need to take responsibility for clearly communicating when they do need help. It’s not fair to expect someone to read your mind (even though it’s possible).

5. Gifts

While this isn’t the most common of the 5 Love Languages for most, this is my second highest love language. The misperception with this love language is that it means you’re materialistic. That’s not necessarily true at all; an individual with any of the five languages can be materialistic or shallow. If you want to test if your partner has this love language, give them flowers and observe if they throw them out after they die or if they hang on to the dried flowers for years thereafter.

These are the types of people who will save mementos from dates and who never forget an important holiday or birthday. Likewise, it’s smart to remember important dates and celebrations if you’re partnering with this type. A simple homemade card or some cheerful flowers can communicate your love for your partner easily but the most cherished gifts are personalized and sentimental. Giving gifts is a chance to let your partner see how well you know them.

Furthermore, you can incorporate this language into your daily life by picking up your loved one a cup of green tea, their favorite chocolates 🍫, or even just remembering their favorite brands when you go grocery shopping. Expressing this language is simply about showing your partner that you are always thinking of them and how to make them happy. They cherish the symbol of love that they can feel, touch, see and keep.

More Practical Ideas:

Here are five practical gestures tailored to each love language. What is the most common love language in your household?

1. Words of Affirmation:

– Write a heartfelt letter or note expressing your appreciation and admiration for them.
– Compliment them sincerely and specifically on their strengths, accomplishments, or qualities you admire.
– Leave encouraging or uplifting sticky notes in places they’ll find throughout the day, such as on the bathroom mirror or in their lunch bag.
– Send them a thoughtful text message or voice note expressing your love and support.
– Verbally express gratitude for the things they do for you and acknowledge their efforts regularly.

2. Acts of Service:

– Plan and prepare their favorite meal or treat, taking care to cater to their tastes and preferences.
– Take over one of their responsibilities or tasks for the day to give them a break and show that you support them.
– Offer to run errands or take care of chores that they find tedious or stressful, such as grocery shopping or managing appointments.
– Help them with a project or task they’ve been struggling with, offering your time and expertise to lighten their load.
– Take initiative to anticipate their needs and proactively offer assistance without waiting to be asked.

3. Receiving Gifts:

– Surprise them with a thoughtful gift that reflects their interests, hobbies, or personal style.
– Plan a special outing or experience that they’ve been wanting to try, such as a picnic in the park or tickets to a concert.
– Create a handmade gift or keepsake that holds sentimental value, such as a photo album or scrapbook of shared memories.
– Bring them a small token of appreciation or souvenir from your travels to show that you were thinking of them.
– Pay attention to their hints or mentions of things they like or want, and make an effort to surprise them with those items.

4. Quality Time:

– Plan a dedicated date night or day out doing activities they enjoy, such as hiking, cooking together, or visiting a museum.
– Have a technology-free evening where you focus solely on each other’s company, engaging in meaningful conversations and shared experiences.
– Set aside regular time each week for a shared hobby or interest, such as gardening, painting, or playing a sport together.
– Take a weekend getaway or mini-vacation to reconnect and create lasting memories together.
– Be fully present and attentive during your time together, actively listening and engaging in meaningful conversations without distractions.

5. Physical Touch:

– Offer frequent hugs, cuddles, or kisses to convey your affection and connection.
– Hold hands or link arms while walking together, creating a physical bond that reinforces your emotional connection.
– Give them a soothing massage or foot rub to help them relax and unwind after a long day.
– Show physical affection spontaneously throughout the day, such as a gentle touch on the shoulder or a playful tickle.
– Be mindful of their personal boundaries and preferences regarding physical touch, respecting their comfort levels at all times.

Conclusion

I hope this brief overview of the five languages has been helpful and illuminating. I hope it answered the question, “what is the most common Love Language?” Of course, all languages need to be practiced to a degree but it can truly transform your relationship when you finally see all the little ways in which someone is telling you how loved you are, everyday.

Keep in mind that certain actions will be more harmful based on someone’s love language as well. For example, if your primary love language is words of affirmation criticism will be especially painful. It’s important to be proactive but also to know what not to do for each love language.

 Growth Love languages Psychology